Today while I was sitting in the office (my fancy name for the spare bedroom) trying to decide what to blog about the toilet started up again. Today it was all “bwop, bwop, bwop, bwop, bwop”. At first I ignored it but it just kept going like a stuck record of a baritone scat singer (I am awesome at simile construction like a badger is awesome at burrowing holes!) so finally I ran for the bathroom to watch it bubble.
My life if full of excitement!
It goes on for another minute then the bubbles and the bwops get smaller and quieter but then I notice a few tiny bubbles floating on the surface. At first I think they are just regular air bubbles from the agitated water but when they don’t immediately go away I start to wonder. They continue to multiply and soon the toilet is half full of bubbles.
Despite my fascination/horror with this growing mound of suds I have been standing over my toilet for several minutes now and I am lazy and want to sit down.
I decide against bringing a kitchen chair into the bathroom so I can sit and watch my toilet produce bizarre noises and substances because my life cannot possibly hold that much excitement. I mean WOAH! Right?
So now I’m back in the office typing this blog post and I can hear it; the soft, stealthy bwop, bwop, bwop of my toilet and probably bathroom floor slowly filling with foam of unknown origin coming up out of my toilet (please let it be soap, even if it used soap).
My greatest paranoia is now that a rat will climb from my toilet. Does my building have rats? No. How do air bubbles and soap in the plumbing translate into rats that can breathe water and climb through pipes? I don’t know. Maybe they could use the air bubbles as a little life pod. (I think I just had the greatest children’s Saturday morning cartoon idea ever!)
I take it back. My greatest paranoia is not that a rat will climb from my toilet. It is that a rat climbing from my toilet while I am sitting on it. And also the air bubble it is traveling in splashes used toilet water on my butt. Then the rat bites my butt. And I die of the Plague. On the bright side I have the most effortlessly clean toilet ever.
[...] Back in March I posted stories about my new apartment, mostly in regards to the toilet. If you need a recap see here and here. [...]